My struggles

This post took me a long time to write, because, I mean, who wants to admit they have struggles in print.  Plus I wanted to write this before the baby came, and then the baby came lol.  I have no issues talking about it to friends, but like all things in my life, when I write them down, they really become real (I have a to do list, a list of all foods I have eaten and all exercise I have done since April 2013, no joke).  Right now I want to insert the laughing tearing emoji right here.

So, here goes.

1)  Putting on weight, stretch marks - now weight has always been something I have struggled with since my younger days.  I won't go too much into it, but I think almost every woman will have some issue with putting on weight, getting stretch marks, a changing body.  So I just have to rant here, now that we have the baby, Lingon keeps saying how he has to keep working out to prevent himself from getting a dad bod.  Now, in no way do I want him to be fat, because fat husband means unhealthy dad means poorer care for the baby means he wouldn't be there as much for the baby means more work for me, but hey we women get the weird stretchy skin and saggy boobs and stuff and we can't do anything about it, and we work so hard to care for the baby (and husband).  I think one day I'm going to snap and tell him to find a baby/daddy workout so he can do it at home.  I mean, the baby is like one damn big weight.
2)  For no particular reason, the beginning of the pregnancy marked a particularly difficult time between Lingon and I, definitely pregnancy unrelated.  We were fighting all the time, mostly baby/pregnancy-unrelated, and that was not fun.  I have heard of a lot of women too who had strained marital relations during their pregnancy, but also heard of a lot who had wonderfully supportive husbands.  Eventually things got better, but I'm not quite sure what my point here was.
3)  Well, it's not like I was Marissa Mayer, and got paid oodles of dollars for every second I was at work, but I had a part time job and a small business, and having a baby meant making sacrifices with this.  I would have committed more to my part time job (my small business was terrible - I did not know how to get clients!), but knew it was not the time with the baby coming.  Then Lingon gets to go about doing his normal stuff for the most part, which I think I was partly jealous of.
4)  Not wanting life to change.  A couple of the things I was really involved in was flying trapeze and aerial.  And which studio wants to have liability for a pregnant women on such apparatus?!  So I told no one, and I flew till about 5 months and did aerial until about 6 months, and lived with the guilt of thinking I could have killed my baby every moment of that for a few months after.  Other things included being angry that I had to pee all the time, could not jump up and down (yeah I do that on a regular basis) without peeing a little in my pants, cutting down on sushi (I actually still believe it is pretty safe as long as you go to a reputable restaurant and do not eat huge fish, the worms thing in the US is not an issue because the fish is frozen which kills the worms), being tired a lot.  So yeah, lots of change.  Some women get bad morning sickness, I was fortunate that mine was pretty mild and only for a short while in the beginning.  Also people treat you differently if they know you are pregnant - I did not tell anyone I was pregnant for like months and months, but when I finally did, they would, very well meaningly, say things like you can't bend down and pick stuff up, or workout, and stuff, and  I'm like ughhhhhh no, I'm not incapacitated, I'm growing a child!  I had a couple of workout class trainers say especially stupid things like that, which truly ticked me off.

Well, now that I've gotten my rant in, let me say this.  All that is worth it.  The stretchy skin, the uncomfortableness, the crappy boobs, the fatigue.  Because everytime I look at my baby, I feel this joy that really was unimaginable to me even during pregnancy.  Everything about him, his pudgy cheeks, his dimpled hands and legs, his milk drunk face, his angry face, his happy face, his sad face, his grunts, his cry, his laughter, oh man I realize how much in love I am.  My OB gave me one of the best pieces of advice, which is to allow yourself to fall in love over and over again.  Do that with your babies.  They really grow so quickly.  Take lots of pictures and videos that you may never look at again.  Stare at them when they are sleeping.  Hug and kiss them lots.  I find I could not do that enough.  Then you look back at the struggles and realize, hey they really were not so bad after all.

Getting Your Home Ready

I never had a chance to nest, because I waited too long and our little bear ended up arriving 5 weeks early.  But as far as newborns go, I don't think you need that much stuff.  We actually bought our crib the night before I delivered, otherwise I ordered most stuff while I was in the hospital.

Here are things that are really essential to me:

Very important
BABY CAR SEAT - without this, you cannot leave the hospital.  They do a stress test type of thing at UCSF (not sure if it is for all hospitals), and put your baby in there to see if he/she sleeps for 2-3 hours.

Nursery
Crib
Changing table - there are many types.  They have like a whole furniture thing that you can buy, with shelves below, if you have plenty of space in the nursery.  Otherwise there are those you can put on top of your crib.  Or you can just do it on the bed or something, and put a disposable changing pad below like this, like those things you get on your hospital bed in case you pee.  My friend had one that was made of some plasticky material, vs one where we needed actual linen, and I love it.  Here is a picture.  Don't mind the cute baby.

And then stuff like mattress, sheets, blankets.

Bathing and body care
Mild baby soap and shampoo - so far we only use soap and just rinse off his head, but the hospital gave us J&J stuff.
Aquaphor or some kind of baby lotion type thing - we put this on him after every bath to keep his skin moisturized.
Diaper rash cream - we use Desitin but I am sure there are plenty out there.  Dry baby's butt before applying.  Our baby got a bit of a diaper rash and it made me sad.
Bath tub - they have many kinds, ours is just a basic tub, but if you are not confident of bathing your baby they have all kinds of products like hammock looking things that can support your baby as you bathe him/her, or slanted thinggsy that can keep the baby reclined so he/she is partly in the water and partly not.

Clothes
I recommend getting old baby clothes if you have access.  Babies pee and poo and dribble milk all over and we go through a ton of clothes.  The most useful so far have been onesies and sleep sacks (where it's like skirts at the bottom, for PJs, so it's super easy at night to change the diaper).  All baby clothes are cute anyway.  If you are in a cold place, socks.  Mits are great to prevent the baby from scratching his/her face.

Nursing
I must start this by saying I am a pump and feed mum and I stay home slash sort of work from home, so it's not like I have to go to work and have easy access clothes.  I might try to breastfeed directly some time, but so far I have not, and obviously not while out of the house.
Nursing clothes - bras and tops, buy good fitting ones, very very important.  I think I have some shit fitting ones and I'm stuck with those coz I'm not sure whether I'm going to breastfeed directly or not and it's not fun.
Breast pump - obviously to pump your breasts if you go that route.  Some people nurse exclusively, some like me pump and feed exclusively, some do both.  But if you pump obviously get a pump.  Try to get extra pump parts so you don't have to wash all the time, and you can wash in one batch.  Washing gets REALLY old after a while.
Nipple cream - my nipples are constantly sore.  Lansinoh lanolin is super popular, but I think I'm going to use Motherlove nipple cream from now on.  The lactation consultant recommended it because it was all natural organic blahblah, which I don't usually care for, but she gave me some samples and it feels OH SO GOOD.
Coconut oil (or olive, or something) - I use this on my nipples before I pump, it helps with the friction.  My nipples are still sore, but I think they would be worse without.
Nursing bra pads - for sore and leaky boobs.  I remember the first time I leaked.  It's like peeing on yourself, but from your nipple.  Very freaky.
Some like nursing pillows.  I found them a little bit of a pain, but what I do find useful is something to prop your arm on especially as the baby gets fatter and heavier.

Other stuff
Diapers - note there are newborn diapers.  I thought I was so smart and bought like a thousand size 1 diapers, and when I got back from the hospital they were too big.
Wipes - to wipe.  Backside, explosive pee and poop all over the room, there are lots of things to wipe down.  Hahaha!
Wipes warmer - our baby hates changing, and my friend told me maybe it's because the wipes are too cold.  So I bought this wipes warmer thing and I'll let you know if changing is any better.  Or likely I'll forget to let you know so just assume things are better.
Stroller - OMG again so many, but my friend gave me a Graco SnugRider® Elite Stroller for infant strollers which helped me with my decision to get a Graco infant car seat.  Anyway the point is not to help you choose a stroller, but to tell you how nice it is to have a stroller to push the baby around, because one time I carried the car seat to the doctor's, even though I parked literally right in front, it was a pain.  I will never do that again and will use the stroller always.
Carrier - some people, most people I dare say, like carriers.  We got a Baby K'tan and the few times we used it it seems fine, maybe a bit iffy, not sure yet, but seems like a good thing to have.
Baby book - for all those precious moments.  Believe me, I'm not

My Labour

I delivered the perfect baby boy at UCSF Benioff Children's Medical Center at 10.36am on July 10, 2016.  I want to document my experience here at the hospital.

I was 35 weeks 1 day pregnant.  It was 3.44am on Sunday, July 10, 2016, when I woke up as a gush of water exited my vagina.  I woke my husband up, "Lingon. my water just broke".  We were up, and I thought oh shit for a moment, then I tried to figure out what to do with all that liquid flowing out of me.  I got him to bring a bunch of towels to soak it up, and then thinking that all would now be fine, I ask for underwear and a pad to hopefully make my way to the bathroom.  But nope, more water gushed out.

The water flow was now under control.  We decided to take an Uber to the hospital because it would be cheaper than parking there, but there was surge pricing, so I decided to get an UberPool (with the assumption no one will really pool with me), much to Lingon's chagrin.  Luckily we did not get paired with another.  I brought a giant bath towel, just in case of any leaky accidents.  Off we went.  We made it to the hospital without incident at 4.21pm, and headed to labour and delivery.  We were sent to triage, and I change into a hospital gown.  The nurses came in and asked me if I felt any contractions, and I say no.  Apparently when your water breaks, you do not necessarily go into labour, it depends on how far along you are, health status, etc.  For example, if your water breaks at 25 weeks, they may give you drugs to keep your baby in.  For me, at 35 weeks, they had to admit me, but would not give drugs to prevent labour.  Depending on how the baby was doing, they could have given me drugs to help labour progress, but they just admitted me and we held our breath and waited to see what was to come.  They tried to confirm my water broke, saying sometimes people pee on themselves, etc., but one look at the volume of liquid coming out of me and they were 99% sure my water broke.  They did a couple of other tests - 1) PH test 2) slide 3) pap smear esque thing, and yes my water 100% broke.

From here on, I'm not entirely sure of the order of events, but let me try.

I started feeling some cramps, and when asked again how I feel, I say I have cramps, like very bad menstrual cramps.  They feel me and I'm breaking out in a cold sweat.  I was told these were contractions.  Lingon said we were still in triage at 7am.  Somehow we moved to the antepartum room, and the cramps got really bad.  We were put in Labour Room 1, and I was dying of pain in there, and all of a sudden I realize the TV is smoking.  "I have a question", I said, "why is there smoke coming from behind the TV?"  No one knows but they wheel me out in a haste - "let's get you as far from there as possible".  We had to move to Labour Room 7.  We got a rest in between contractions, and I asked Lingon for my Ike's turkey sandwich.  A midwife, Miranda, came in, and says I am in active labour.  She tried to joke about seeing me throw up, as she saw me take my bite of my sandwich, and hands me a barf bag.  I try to be brave and refuse drugs.  I was yelling at people that I was going to die, and everyone told me I was not going to die, but it sure felt like it.  I can't even remember if I was lying down, curled up, or what on earth I was doing, but someone said I was sweaty and this was a sign of active labour, and I was like yeah, no shit (in my head).  The midwife put her fingers up my vagina, says I was 7-8cm dilated (or was that 8-9cm?), and told me I am close.  So OK, I try to hold out for no epidural.  At some point, I was told that my cervix was complete, and that I should push, "like taking the biggest poop of my life".  So I pushed maybe through 2 contractions, 3 times each, and I remembered her telling me I would have the all natural labour I wanted to have, and was super encouraged.  Then suddenly, she says, my cervix is not complete, and I feel like I'm going to die.

It might be at this point that I was begging for nitrous (laughing gas), which was what I had hoped would be the most severe drug during my labour.  I was not sure how long that lasted, but I remember at some point throwing the gas mask away and again yelling "I'm going to die".  I was told to relax.  The labour doctor, Dr Nicole Teal, came in around 8am, and I think I remembered her saying "someone needs to talk to her about her pain" or something to that effect.

Then I'm begging for an epidural.  The anesthesiologists come in.  Monica and Germaine.  I told Lingon to show them a picture of my spine since I have scoliosis (epidural has higher chance of failing or being lopsided as a result).  They seemed impressed I have such a thing in my phone and I had the clarity of mind to be able to hand them this piece of information.  I felt like a kid, so pleased that they were impressed.  They waited for a contraction to end, and administered the thing.  Time on the UCSF records system shows me 8.58am.  There was not enough time to the next contraction, and I felt the pain coming on, but they told me I needed to hold steady.  I remembered my legs being on Lingon's thighs, and I am bent forward, in tears and feeling like I was going to die.  I waited another contraction.  All of a sudden, I feel nothing.  I have no legs.  And no pain.  Wow.  Bliss.  I think I was in tears, half asleep.  Then suddenly it was time to push.  I could not feel any contractions, so I had to be told when to push.  Again, I pushed 3 times through each contraction, for a number if times, and this lasted for maybe an hour and the doctors tried using a vacuum pump since the baby was not descending.  The pump snaps off.  Shit.  He is at +2 station.  The doctors told me his heart rate is dropping to 60 and they recommended a C-section.  I said OK.  I mean, what choice did I have?

I got wheeled to the operating room.  I asked for Lingon and they said he was outside, and I was upset and scared but they said he would come in soon.  He came in.  We got a chance to push once more.  They used the vacuum again, but it failed.  I was really upset, but have to be brave for the baby and Lingon.  We started the C-section.  I remember asking how long more, and they said 10 mins.  I was holding Monica's hand, maybe Lingon's hand?  Poor them, I was definitely crushing them.  Baby was out at 10.36am, and he was crying.  Then I was crying.  They started to sew me up.  I asked how long it takes.  45 mins.  Lingon went to see the baby, and then walked back to me.  I ask him to take a picture of goopy baby, and he did, and showed me. Then he brought the baby to me, all wrapped up.  We take a family photo.  Not quite how I imagined it, and I could not even describe the rush of emotions that were rushing through me.  Then the baby had to go.  As they sewed me up, I was shivering, like major chatters, my jaw was so painful and my whole body was wrecked, from being so tense and cold and in pain.

I wasin recovery.  Not sure if I fell asleep.  But I was asked every so often whether I can feel my legs.  I couldn't for the longest time, but was anxious to, because when I could feel my legs I could be taken to see my baby.  When I could finally feel my legs and lift my knees, I was wheeled in my bed to see the baby.  They placed him on me, and it's the most wonderful thing ever.  I did not get to hold my baby again until 2 days later.

I was put in Postpartum Room 13.  I ate a mint Builders bar when I finally made it here.  We had a conservative dinner, but I was hungry.  I'm just hungry all the time.

I was told I was a good pusher.  Big help it was for me.  :-/

Anyhow, that's my story.  Someone told me I went through everything - a natural labour, one with an epidural and a C-section.  But only one baby.  Haha.  But the nurses told me some people get multiple babies via different channels, and I just thought that was crazy.  Count myself lucky?!

UCSF vs CPMC

So, it turns out baby Eric arrived 5 weeks early, which was a shock to us all.  The beginning was rocky, starting with the water breaking, and labour, and being in the NICU, but all's well that ends well, and we have now been home for almost 3 weeks.  I wrote my whole labour experience up, but have not decided whether to share it or not.

Anyhow, that's not the point of the post, and as usual I digress.  Before labour, I was 99% sure I wanted to deliver at UCSF because a) it was brand new and looked really good and b) it was closer to our house.  The pulls for CPMC were that a) everyone who had been there absolutely loved it, b) on your final night there they give you a steak and champagne dinner or something crazy like that and c) your CPMC OB or OB with privileges shows up at your delivery vs some random doctor/midwife/resident.  I was also hesitant with UCSF because I only knew one person who had delivered there and she said she would not go there again because they would not put her baby in the nursery and she couldn't sleep, and they were short staffed (to be fair, this girl seems a little difficult in general to me, so I took her review with a pinch of salt).  Later, in one of my prenatal yoga classes, I met a girl who had delivered at the old UCSF campus, and she was going to deliver at the new campus, so I bravely asked for her number and asked if I could text her, and she said OK, and she had nothing but a glowing review for UCSF.

We ended up going to UCSF, Lingon liked it very much too because it was new.  We loved everything we could have loved about a hospital about it.  Is that a grammatically correct sentence?  We checked in, got taken to a triage room, got checked out, sent to antepartum because I was not yet in active labour (actually we got sent to 2 antepartum rooms because one had a smoking TV, which was probably the only thing wrong with it, and I, the person in pain and suffering, was the only one to notice the smoke), and then to a labour room, operating room, postpartum room and then maternity ward.  No complaints, except it felt like a really long time to spend in triage before anything conclusive happened and they decided to admit me.

So, great staff, from nurses to midwife to doctors, I felt like everyone cared.

About the maternity ward, again I had a friend who complained that no one took the baby to the nursery when she wanted to rest.  I never got that chance, because baby Eric ended up in the NICU (or intensive care nursery aka ICN).  Kind of a blessing in disguise, since it gave us a lot of time to get our ducks in a row, and rest, since there were a lot of nurses taking care of baby Eric.

The ward looked really nice.  We had our own TV which I never watched.  I did, however, use the TV to order food.  I was always wondering, but had too much shame to ask, if food was free for partners as well, but I remember the anesthesiologist telling Lingon that as long as it seemed like I was the one who wanted the food, it would be free.

About the food.  It was pretty good, and I have tons of photos to prove it.  Like I said, food is only free for the patient, but one can order up to 1700 calories per meal (I think), which is a ridiculous amount of calories, and up to something like 2 entrees, 5 snacks, 5 sides, drinks, for a max of 17 items.  I'm laughing as I type this.  The menu was pretty extensive too.  They have shakes too, in amazing flavours, but you cannot order that online, you have to call to order.  I think once I ordered 3 entrees and the food guy called me and I had to cancel one.  That was pretty funny.

It also turned out to be the right choice for us, because baby Eric ended up in the NICU (or intensive care nursery aka ICN) for 10 days and it was less taxing on us commute-wise.  We loved all the doctors and nurses there, some more than others, but I could not find fault with anything.  Part of being a NICU mum was that I got lots of sleep, since the nurse to kid ratio was really high (our nurse took care of 2-3 kids total).  That really helped with my energy.  I was amazingly energetic, partly coz I had to be, and partly because I actually was pretty well rested.  I also got to learn a lot about infant care, which was also great, because I knew zero and refused to take any classes to learn, since I figured I learn on the job best anyway.  All worked out, I suppose.

Also, with your kid in the hospital, the hospital has social workers that talk to you and make sure you are OK.  Sometimes I felt a bit bad that we had all this support, since I felt rather undeserving, like I did nothing to deserve it except have a sick kid, but at the same time I was happy that someone seemed to care and I had someone to talk to.  Part of this social work program was they would provide mums with a meal card worth I think $17 (the food at the hospital was pretty darn good and super duper cheap BTW, like breakfast sausage links are $1 or something), and reduced parking coupons.  Amazing.

The other thing I loved about UCSF was that the amount of care they provide to you, both before and after you get discharged, is amazing.  I still had access to social workers, a psychiatrist, lactation consultants, and all covered by (my) insurance!

I had such a wonderful experience at UCSF, if I had another baby, I would go there without hesitation.

Photos:
Room service menu - Here is a full size version.  WAWWWWWWWWWW.

I did not want to get discharged...  Look at all the food available to me!!

Full Size UCSF Room Service Menu

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Exercise

OK, I have to confess, I'm going to say something that I did not really abide by.  But as I get farther along in my pregnancy, I'm beginning to see that this is actually a very important piece of advice.

Give yourself a break.  (Right now, I'm thinking, have a break, have a KitKat.  Clearly someone has chocolate on her mind.)

Your body is working very hard to produce a baby.  Everyday you are producing more and more blood and fluid (or something), and you are making cells - hands, eyeballs, hair, nails... you get the idea.  It's hard work.  Can I say that again?  It's very hard work!

I struggled with this, for a lot of reasons.  One reason is I had unlimited ClassPass, so I milked it for all it was worth.  (For those who know not what this is, it's a fitness pass that gives you access to a ton of studios - bootcamp, yoga, pilates, etc.)  Also, I had just started flying trapeze and was insanely obsessed with it.  It had been a long time since I found something I loved doing so much and I did not want to give it up.  So I pushed myself, probably way too hard.

Anyway, I digress.  Don't be me.  Be kind to yourself.

I think it is important to keep fit during your pregnancy.  My doctors said I could do most things that I did before.  No contact sports like basketball, no cycling in case I fell off, etc.  Basically nothing that can cause impact.

I had already been doing bootcamp, yoga, bar, weights and pilates classes, so I continued with them, and am still doing most of them until today.  (I am 34 weeks today.)  I intend to continue and will try to update this page to document when I decide to stop.

I stopped a number of yoga classes (I continued on with my hot yoga since it was my favourite yoga), but I started doing prenatal yoga right around week 30.  At first I was very hesitant.  Being an extremely extreme person, and doing all kinds of crazy exercise, I was reluctant to subject myself to a mummy class where I thought I would just sit around and touch my toes and smile at other mums-to-be.  The first class I went to was with Jane Austin at Yoga Tree Valencia (in the Mission).  This was probably not the best first prenatal yoga class for me.  When I entered the room, there were like 40+ pregnant women in the room, most looked very pregnant, and having avoided being super into mummyhood up to that point, I was rather overwhelmed.  You go around and state your name, how many weeks pregnant you are, how you are feeling, and any requests.  Felt a bit like the AA clips I had watched on TV.  Then you go into various exercises and stretches, some of which are not exactly yoga.  I won't go too much into it, but I was happy I did this, because I felt that everything I did was super safe, and the exercises helped with things like not feeling so tight where you had felt stretched out, toning the pelvic floor and other muscles that would help with pregnancy and labour, etc.  My favourite prenatal yoga teacher is Alexandra Rossi, and she teaches at Yoga Garden, Yoga Mayu and The Mindful Body.  She's funny, her workouts leave me feeling energized and open, she's French (everyone loves a French accent!), and she's just amazing.

Some people worry about hot yoga.  I asked my doctor and she said it was fine, so I still do hot yoga but with some modifications (see next paragraph).  I still do inversions too, like headstands, since they do not make me dizzy, although I must say in the past couple of weeks I've grown quite a bit heavier and my center of gravity has definitely changed and it is getting exponentially harder to stay up.

Things I started avoiding in yoga were deep twists, sit ups, crunches, boat pose, unsupported front and side planks.  The reason was because I had read not too long ago about a condition called diastasis recti, a condition where your abs split, from my most newsworthy source people.com.  I took one look at the photo and freaked out.  I don't think I'm a super vain person, but I most certainly did not want to look like that!  She's super brave and all for sharing that, I just did not want that for myself.  So I read up a lot about it, and I think there is a ton of articles on that, a ton of conflicting opinions and advice, and to play it safe I avoided all those yoga poses and crazy ab exercises.  There is another olympic hopeful runner, Sarah Brown, whose pregnancy I loosely followed, and she had this article about exercises to do to strengthen those transverse abdominal muscles, she and her methodology seemed legit, so I decided to share them.  Here is another people.com article.  Consult your physical therapist first!  I asked both my OBs, and they said that this is a fairly common occurrence - one said it happens to all her patients, the other said it happens to most, and both told me not to worry about it and to practice safe exercise.  My abs have split a few centimeters, and I am trying not to freak out too much about it, but it is hard.

I still do bootcamp classes, like Barry's Bootcamp and Rogue and Saint.  I don't push super hard, for example when we are supposed to run, if I don't feel like running, I just walk, and I've started to not feel bad about it.  I started having a really hard time running super early on in pregnancy, between peeing on myself (no joke, trickles though, not like major I need a maxi pad pee), feeling a lot of downward pressure, the baby smacking me around when I'm running, it just became really uncomfortable and I also became lazy.  Also avoided things like planks, sit ups, crunches, etc. as stated in the paragraph above.

I did flying trapeze until a little past 26 weeks at Circus Center, and aerial workouts until 31.5 weeks.  I know most people would have plenty to say about this, but my doctors for the most part were OK with this up to a certain point.  I felt I needed to stop flying earlier, since it involved falling onto the net, which could cause placental abruption (the separation of the placenta from the uterus), which was extremely dangerous.  I tried to hang on to aerial workouts for as long as possible, but a few things made me stop right when I did.  First, the gym I loved doing my workouts at, Acrosports, wanted a doctor's letter certifying I could do this.  I think one of my doctors may have given a limited recommendation to allow this if I had pushed.  However, I had also decided I was getting too heavy to pull myself up and invert, plus I was very concerned about getting diastasis recti, so I just decided to give it up.

The one circus activity I started in the middle of getting pregnant was trampoline.  I was always very safe, never did any tummy drops.  It was supposed to help me with certain flying trapeze moves, and it did, but it wasn't quite as fun, plus the bladder control was an issue, so I stopped that after a month or two.

Most instructors, when they found out I was pregnant, were extremely accommodating and eager to help, even the aerial instructors.  The two that left a bad taste in my mouth were Angela Watson and AJ Aires from Rogue and Saint.  First of all, I believe these big group workouts really should be done at a level that you are comfortable with.  But for some reason, some of the instructors at Rogue and Saint would thump on your treadmill, or put bigger weights in your hands, when they feel you could go further.  I mean, these people, they don't know you, they don't know jack about you.  Let's start with Angela Watson.  I was taking a bootcamp class, and did not tell her I was pregnant, I just decided I was not going to do some of the exercises.  She came up to me and was kind of like what's up, so I'm like OK fine, I'm pregnant and I don't do some of these things, and she got SO frustrated with me, threw her hands in the air, and was like well I don't know what you want me to do to, this is a full body workout.  Well, lady, I did not ask you to change anything about the class for me, I was just there minding my business.  And then this AJ Aires, I decided then to tell him I was pregnant, and he was pretty much like don't come to class next time.  WTF?!  And then he's like, you cannot be on your hands and knees.  WHAT?!?!  If anything, a pregnant woman should not be on her back.  DOH.  Clearly he knows nothing about pregnant women.  Anyway, a lot of things about that session with him made me really angry and frustrated, and his lack of empathy and not being able to admit he knew nothing really irritated me.  So, I'm boycotting his class forever.  I normally hate him anyway, he's one of those who hits on your treadmill to try to make you go faster.

A big shoutout to some instructors that have been really helpful during my pregnancy.  Gabby from Mint Studios, Alexa, Ashe and Stephanie from Acrosports (and Aerial Artique), Anca from Rogue and Saint, the folks from Circus Center, Ritual Yoga and Burn.  My favourite prenatal yoga teacher Alexendra Rossi, and I also love Jane Austin's class.  Also to Barry's Bootcamp, who probably knows I'm pregnant but does not yell at me for not doing things I am not comfortable doing.  Thanks for keeping me fit during my pregnancy.

So, I guess that's all I wanted to talk about with relation to exercise.  I'm not saying what I do is correct, in fact I probably take on more risks than I should, and should have probably told my instructors I was pregnant a lot earlier.  I just did not want them to limit me.  Do things you are comfortable with, do NOT do things you are not comfortable with, and don't let anyone else tell you that you need to do anything else.  For the most part, what you had done before, you can continue doing, and don't start anything too crazy after you get pregnant.  Good luck with keeping fit!!  I think it is super important during pregnancy!!

Things I Found Useful in the Beginning / Advice / Random Words

More important than myself is my growing baby.  So, probably before you try to conceive, take your prenatal vitamins.  The doctors kept talking about folic acid, for which the recommended dose is 400mg/day for pregnant women.  Also very important is DHA, especially for women who do not eat a lot of fish I think.  I love fish but just don't make it or eat out that much so I was grateful for this.  I took Nature Made prenatal vitamins which had these 2 key items (for me).  Also please verify all this information, I'm neither a doctor nor a nutritionist.

In the very beginning, around weeks 7-8, I felt sick for about 2 weeks - I have a couple of theories - 1)  I was on a super long flight in economy and that was not fun 2) I overdosed on folic acid (misread the label on the bottle) 3) plain ol' morning sickness.  The doctors recommend small bland meals, things like crackers.  I was lucky I was not super sick, but during those 2 weeks I barely ate.  I bought bags of Hawaiian rolls from Costco, and I think those kept me alive.  I was lucky enough not to be sick for too long, but I've never really had a big appetite this whole pregnancy.  I changed my diet to eat super healthy, lots of fruit and vegetables.  I prepared a lot of food at home.  What I was worried about was my lack of protein since I did not enjoy cooking meat, so I would get canned anchovies, or smoked salmon, and when eating out would try to get plenty of protein.  A lot of literature says one should not eat raw food, like sushi, but I continued eating a bit of sushi, only from very high quality restaurants.  In fact, my doctor said it was fine in moderation, but to avoid things like tuna and swordfish with very high mercury content.  I don't really drink, but once in a while would wet my lips with some wine for a small taste.  I think improving my diet has been very essential to my good pregnancy, feeling good about myself, not putting on too much weight, and not giving the baby too much crap food.

There are also rules about putting on weight.  I maintained 2 OBs while pregnant.  One was not happy with my weight gain (too little), the other said I might just be one of those people who don't put on a ton of weight at pregnancy, but she thought it was OK.  The former was OK with my trend after our little weight gain discussion, but now at 32 weeks I'm actually finding it hard to put on weight with the baby taking up all my stomach space.  I actually only gained 1lb since week 29 and week 32, and was 1lb heavier at week 31 than week 32, so I'm trying to step up my game.  What I worry is that I'm burning my own muscle/fat and that could release dangerous toxins into my body which I highly doubt is good for Mots.  Weight and I have never been friends, and as I go further into this pregnancy, I don't think our relationship is improving.  :-/

Keeping hydrated is important.  But how much water?  In the beginning of pregnancy, I tried drinking a TON of water, especially since I generally do not drink a lot of water.  The problem with this is I couldn't eat much because of lack of stomach space, plus I was getting up like every couple of hours in the middle of the night and already had trouble sleeping as it was, so I would be super tired the next day.  I shard this with my doctor and she said people worry about how much water they drink, but really your body will tell you when you are thirsty.  So I took her advice, and now drink only when I feel like drinking.  It seems to work well, at 32+ weeks, baby is healthy, and I have plenty of amniotic fluid.

I have taken to wearing lots of PJs and workout clothes.  OK, the truth is, I pretty much lived in those clothes before I got pregnant.  It is nice not having to wear fancy corporate clothes to work.  The one big change is I ditched all my jeans, and pretty much exclusively wear leggings for bottoms if I have to look somewhat presentable.  I purchased some cute maternity clothes from Zulily, mainly empire-waisted dresses, but have not had the need nor opportunity to wear them yet.

Pregnancy is tiring.  Everyone tells me to take it easy, and rest up.  Good advice which I did not really take until recently.  I still workout a lot (I'll write something about exercise later on in a different post), but have found myself sitting and lying down a lot more recently.  My back has started to ache, and I'm sure part of it is due to the extra weight I am carrying around.  The other thing one of my best friends told me is that your belly is big, so you have to reach out a lot more to do things.  I get the worst pain now doing the dishes, and now when I take the clothes out of the dryer I get Lingon to carry them for me because it is simply just kinda too heavy and hurts my back.  Ask for help.  There is no shame.  Especially from your partner, if you are lucky enough to have one.  Growing a baby is serious work.

I feel that every woman, no matter how excited they are about pregnancy and having babies, fear how they look during and after pregnancy.  I'm no exception.  One thing I fear is getting stretch marks.  So far my tummy is still not huge, so no stretch marks as of 32+ weeks.  Many people say it's genetic, but others also tell me that things like oils and stretch mark creams can help.  Well, I was not going to take any chances, since you can't reverse these kinds of things, so I used a bunch of oils and creams and rubbed them on fairly religiously.  I used coconut oil, Palmers oil, Palmers stretch mark cream, and Mustela cream.  Other people I knew used Burt's Bees and Clarins products, but what I used was what I was introduced to in the very beginning so I just used them and continued.  I'm not sure if I would have gotten stretch marks if I did not use them, but not going to wait to find out!  Anyway, it helps to hydrate the body, since I generally get quite itchy even before pregnancy, and I hear that your skin gets itchy from stretching out.  So, oil/lotion up!  The downside was I was super oily.  Half the time I walk around the house naked (true story) waiting for the oil to soak up, and I don't want to sit on any upholstery, so I get tired.  But I'm getting more lax with that and laying on blankets and stuff on the couch, since I'm getting more and more tired.  I will update more if I get stretch marks, or post pregnancy, to let you know how my skin is doing.

The other thing I fear is diastasis recti, which is the splitting of the abdominals.  Again, lots of literature on this, and varying opinions.  One of my doctor says everyone's abs split.  The other doctor says it's very common.  Online articles list a varying percentage of pregnant women whose abs split.  Initially, I heard about this from my most favourite publication, people.com.  No offense to this brave mama, but I really do not want to look like that.  The advice I got for this was no crazy hard core abdominal work and deep twists.  The other advice I got from both doctors was not to worry so much for it, generally they join back together weeks after labour, and if not physical therapy can help, as can surgery which is a very not preferred option for me.  I'll also discuss this a bit more in an exercise blog.

I found keeping a chart helpful, though I'm a bit obsessive about it.  Since a few years ago, I have written down almost everything I eat and the exercise I have done.  That's a bit crazy.  But what is actually useful, I found, when we were trying to conceive, was charting the dates of my period, when I took the hormone pills I was prescribed, when we had sex, then later on my weight every week.  I may have written more about my pregnancy experience, but in general felt really normal for the most part, so there was nothing too notable to discuss.

That's all I have for this post, but if I come up with things I want to add here, I'll update.

Getting Pregnant - Our Journey

Hello everyone!  I'm pregnant!  Today I am 32 weeks+ along, and counting down and I cannot wait to meet our baby Mots Bear.  I thought of writing a blog to share my experience a while ago, but never got around to doing it, but here I am, finally.  I'm not really sure how I am going to structure this blog, but I'll do my best.

Lingon had been ready to have kids for quite some time now.  I was not quite ready, nor was I quite so sure he was ready, for quite a while, and then I really took some time to do things I wanted to do, which really involved traveling a lot and taking care of myself, and I did that for a couple of years, and then finally, I told him, after I eat at Jiro, I will be ready.  We ate at Jiro, and then I was ready.

So I got off birth control, which I had been on for practically forever since my periods were extremely irregular and also for birth control reasons, got a period, and then nothing for months.  I took a test and was not pregnant, so it's not like I was waiting for months for my belly to grow bigger or anything.  I don't remember how many months I waited - I assumed my body was getting used to getting off birth control, but after what seemed like a ridiculous number of months, I decided to take a visit to the doctor.

Hello Clomid!  This is a pill that helps women who do not get their period to ovulate.  I took a few cycles, timed sex, still nothing.  By the way, Ali Wong.  If you have Netflix, you should watch her comedy skit, Baby Cobra.  I watched it with 7 people I did not know and 1 person I knew quite well, and I must say it was pretty darned funny but I did find myself cringing at times.  Her description of her sex life was, well, somewhat accurate to what my girlfriends and I discuss at times.  When it's not the right time, there's no sex.

So, clomid and no baby.  I go to a different OB, get more clomid, then we take some blood tests, and even though I'm getting my period, my eggs are not coming out!  She refers me to see a fertility clinic, and I choose UCSF because it is close to me and more importantly they took my insurance.  (The other, Pacific Fertility, did not take my insurance so I was like nahhhhh.)  They immediately put me on letrozole, a different ovulation drug, since they say it is more efficient with less side effects (different from what the OB said), and since I don't know better, I'm just like OK.  And lo and behold, one round of letrozole, and I'm knocked up

Bottom line, ask about options for pills if you have the same problem I had, or any problem, really, where you may get pills.

Anyway, this is about one year after we had started trying, what a journey.

So, one would think I would be wildly ecstatic, after trying for something like a year, to find out that I was finally pregnant.  The truth is, I was not.  Not at that time anyway.  For starters, Lingon and I had been arguing a lot, so it did not seem to make sense to bring a kid into a world where parents were always yelling at each other.  Also, I had just started going to circus classes (flying trapeze and aerial apparatus) and it did not seem like something people would recommend, and it made me insanely happy and I did not want to give that up.

I remember the day I took a pee test.  I looked at it, and then did probably another 4.  The fertility clinic emailed me the day after and told me to take a test, and I just told them I was going to wait.  Yup, I lied to them.  Took me a few days before I told them I was pregnant, and then they and I were the only ones who knew it.  I couldn't even tell Lingon.  Seemed too real.  Too scary.  I was going on a big trip, and it was on that trip that I finally told Lingon, more than a week later.  He was wildly ecstatic, I was... confused.  When I returned from the trip, I went to see Dr Quinn at the fertility clinic, and got my first baby ultrasound.  I remember I was thinking, she won't see anything, it was all a big joke, but there it was, my little bundle of cells.  I managed not to cry that entire doctor's visit, but I explained to Dr Quinn that I was not really happy, and that I wanted to continue flying, and I felt all these weird emotions and I was very sad that I was not happier, and she comforted me and said it was a very big change, and even though people try to get pregnant, there are a lot of emotions involved in having a baby, and not to feel bad about how I feel.  I left feeling a bit better about myself, but still very mixed.

So that was me.  Pregnant.

Months later, at 32+ weeks, things are much better, and I cannot wait to meet little Mots Bear.  The thought of Baby Mots makes me happy, and I am so excited to see you, little one.  I can only hope and pray that you are first and foremost healthy, and that we can give you a happy life.  I love you.